It's
hard to know where to start or even what to leave out and what to include when
it come to our adoption journey.
James and I have always wanted to adopt
regardless to our pregnancy circumstance. I started dreaming about it more once
our infertility treatments weren't working. James was adopted and blessed with
three other siblings who were as well. I have two sister's who were adopted. My
mother-in-law has amazing stories about her adoption process.
When James and I were dating we both had a
sense that adoption was something we needed to consider. We talked about having
one or two biological children and then adopting to add one more child.
Looking back I laugh at how lightly we
planned. We said things like, "We'll have two kids and then if we want
more we'll just adopt." Turns out, there is no such thing as
"just" adopting. Adoption is much less of a "sure we'll do
that" and more of a "my entire being has been a believer in this
idea" kind of a decision.
My fierce desire in life has always been to
become a mother. I day dream about motherhood a lot.
Laura Bush talks about this
pain of infertility and describes it better than I ever could. She says:
The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?
The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?
Going through this journey
has not been easy but, I truly believe that Heavenly Father answered my
prayer and changed my desire.. I still want to experience pregnancy and
childbirth someday, but for now I am so excited about our adoption that
Heavenly Father has eased my heart and longing. I have a joy that I can only
describe as the perfect peace of knowing that Heavenly Father has a plan for
us.
Today we met with our caseworker. We have lots of paperwork, we're in this and we're not turning back. We're open to Heavenly Father's plan in this adoption, whatever it may be.
Today we met with our caseworker. We have lots of paperwork, we're in this and we're not turning back. We're open to Heavenly Father's plan in this adoption, whatever it may be.
Thank you for all your love and support.
Love,
James & Jess
Beautifully written. We wish our best and know that sometimes someone else gets the privilege of to love and bear the child while another is blessed to love and raise them. You two will be wonderful parents.
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