We are getting closer!!! Watch out for an invite to our fundraiser I am hoping to post all the details next week.
Today I was on lds.org. I was trying to find some scriptures that I could relate to. James and I are going through so many emotions. I came across the definition of heart on the church website.
Heart: A symbol of the mind and will of man and the figurative source of all emotions and feelings.
Sometimes I can get my hopes up too high and James always calms my excitement, he doesn't want me to be let down. I need to "guard my heart" I remember telling friends this phrase while dating so they wouldn't have a broken heart.
I guess I need to "guard my heart" through this process until there is a degree of sureness. And then I wonder what that degree of certainty would be: When the home study is done? When our profile is up? When we are officially matched with a birth mom? When the adoption is finalized with our signatures?
There is totally a sense in which our excitement will grow as we get closer to bringing our child home. But at the same time, I am excited NOW. I want to enjoy this "eager" phase like I would in a pregnancy.
I struggle with giving myself the freedom to get excited and then telling myself things like, "Don't get too ahead of yourself. Don't get your hopes up too high because...what if ? What if something goes wrong?"
I'm certain we will experience UPS and downs in this journey. I hope at the end I'll experience a love and joy like I haven't yet know. Or maybe my heart will break. If that happens I know that Heavenly Father will wipe my tears and heal my broken heart. I pray that my faith will guard my heart during this adoption journey.
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